Meditation Knitting : What to meditate on

Dear Readers,

To start off with I must apologise for the delay. As happens to all of us, life caught up with me and I never got around to finishing my series on Knitting Meditation. That was largely because it took me a long time to create the video I wanted to accompany it. But with out further delay, lets get into it. Continue reading “Meditation Knitting : What to meditate on”

Meditation Knitting Introduction

Dear Readers,

Today I want to talk a bit about meditation knitting. It seems to be a popular phrase these days, I have seen many articles talk about knitting as mediation but they don’t really go into detail. They just say that knitting is good for you and your mind. So I have decided to write a series of blog posts about mediation knitting.(I would like to note that although I have written this is knitting most of this applies to crochet too! ) Continue reading “Meditation Knitting Introduction”

A quick Aside

Hi again,

Okay this is going to be my final apology for not posting regularily. No this doesn’t mean that I hope to somehow magically stick to a posting schedule. This means that I am going to try and accept myself as I am and just acknowledge that sometimes I can’t post and sometimes this will happen for months in a row.

My medication (for anxiety and depression) has not really been working (probably because I haven’t been recieving therapy and medicine helps the symptoms not the cause.) Anyway I sort of recently got to see a Psychiatrist through the NHS who is adjusting my medictaion and who also informed me that it is pretty much impossible for me to recieve onging psychiatric talking therapy. (Cue me having to go and find a private therapist who doesn’t cost an arm and a leg).

I am still in the transition between old medicine and new. Things have certainly been a roller coaster ride but they do seem to be somewhat on the up.

I hope that you have all been keeping well,
❤ Love Diella

House Hunting

house hunting

 

Hello again,
Today I want to talk about my very first experience of house hunting.

houseFirst of all I will tell you what kind of places we were looking at. This was a new thing for me too, I don’t know if it is just the UK but there are so many different types of dwellings and they all have different names and some have nicknames! We have been looking at either upper flats or terrace houses which are also sometimes called 2 up 2 down. That is because usually there are 2 rooms down stairs and 2 rooms upstairs plus the bathroom. It took me a while to learn which ones where which and which ones we are interested in.  Both of the ones we have been looking at typically come with gardens and some times come with drive ways too. I personally prefer the 2 up 2 down to the Upper flats. Even if the actual square meterage is the same I just think that they feel bigger.

phone

My first tip is your cellphone. I always ask the person showing us around if they mind if I take photos and so far they have always said yes. I started off taking photos of the rooms but I soon found that I couldn’t always remember which room was which especially if they were empty rooms. So I started taking videos instead and this I found worked the best for me. It also means that if I like the place I can send the video to family and friends and see what they think of the place. Just remember to have your phone charged before you go! And you also want to make sure that your phone has enough space to take the video. The only place I didn’t take photos or video was the place that we viewed that was still inhabited. I just felt awkward.

busWe always take the bus to go and look at places because we don’t have a car yet. So we often land up being a bit early for our appointments so we usually take the time to walk around the area and see what it is like. Even if we are viewing in the evenings after dark it is still good to walk around and note, is there a lot of rubbish lying around, is it very noisy, are there strange people loitering around, do a lot of the houses look like they are falling into disrepair. These are all good things to notice and to take into account when you are looking at a place.

crisps

Another thing I did was pack a packet of crisps or some sort of snack for Husband and I when we went to see places in the evening. Because of Husband’s work we often could only view a place late in the evening and this meant that we were often pretty hungry by the time we were leaving the viewing. And then we still had to take the bus back home. And the one place we viewed it took over half an hour for the bus to arrive! And I find that if I am hungry I get annoyed and irritable easily and I will often think back on the house negatively because I just think about being hungry. It also means that I am tempted to stop for fast food on the way home and that is not good for my waist line or my wallet especially when you are saving up to buy a house!

What I really didn’t expect was how much house hunting would affect my anxiety. It really is a high tension experience. Here where we are looking for houses, they sell really fast. There have been a couple of times where we have viewed a place on the Sunday and when we phoned the solicitors on the Monday to say that we were interested… they said Sorry an offer has already been made and accepted!

Another thing is that I feel like I can’t do too much research on my own into the houses because I work from home. That sounds odd but the thing is that which area we buy in is really up to Husband because he is the one who has to make the morning and evening commute. But it’s not as easy as saying okay he only wants to have to travel for 20 min or 40 min etc. He may decide that he likes the price of a house enough to sacrifice 10 min in travel time. Or something like that. But only he can make that decision for himself. So sometimes it leaves me feeling helpless. Especially as this is the busy season at work for Husband so he often doesn’t have time to be looking into these things.

I feel a kind of pressure to find a place because I really want to get a pet. When husband has to go away for work I get desperately lonely. If you didn’t know we are not allowed pets in our flat, most land lords here don’t seem to allow it.

Buying a house is also completely unlike buying anything else I’ve ever bought. It is so incredibly frustrating. Because it doesn’t have a fixed price. By this I mean, if I want something from the shops I usually just save up enough money and go and buy it. It doesn’t work like that with houses because you don’t know how much you are going to need for a given house you might think okay we need “x” so you save up enough for “x” but then when you look all the houses for “x” are sold. Ect. And then you have to wait for something else to come on the market or you have to look in another area. ect. I was not prepared for how frustrating this would be.

However this being said, it is also a very exciting process. Husband likes to look at a house and imagine how he might do renovations in the future or what he might use the different rooms for. Or how we might decorate it. The two things I am looking forward to about getting a house is, getting a cat, and having a bath! Haha. We only have a shower in our current flat.

I hope that you have been having a good start to your week. And I would love to hear some of your house hunting experiences 🙂
Love Diella
xoxo

Separation Anxiety

Hi all,

I have actually decided to go through my back log of posts that I need to do from when I went on holiday to South Africa, but I am doing this post first because it is particularly pertinent now. I don’t want to post it later on when it doesn’t really apply so directly.

Cat photos are at the end so if you clicked on this because of my shameless click baity photo just scroll down. 😛

Now I don’t actually suffer from Separation Anxiety as it is defined.

Separation anxiety disorder (SAD), is an anxiety disorder in which an individual experiences excessive anxiety regarding separation from home or from people to whom the individual has a strong emotional attachment. – Wikipedia

However my husband helps me deal with a lot of my depression and anxiety so when he goes away my anxiety tends to skyrocket. Unfortunately with the job that he has at the moment he has to travel fairly often. Thankfully the company usually flies him back home for the weekends so it is not too long that I have to wait until I see him. It is strange because he can often land up working quite late so even during normal weeks I don’t always see him that much, but just having him around and being able to have breakfast and supper with him helps me so much!

At the moment he is halfway through a 2 week away stint. Thankfully that means that he is coming home this evening and is only leaving again on Sunday. Now I want to talk about how this affects my life.

The one thing is that it makes me not want to do things on the weekends where I don’t see him. This has unfortunately been affecting my attendance to my knitting meet up group. This always occurs on a Saturday afternoon from 2-5 and I just find that I can’t bear to spend that time with others when I could be spending it with my husband who is about to leave for the whole week. This makes me sad because I do really enjoy my knitting group.

Another thing is the way that I take care of myself and the house. When husband is not around I start getting lazy and falling into bad habits like eating instant meals for dinner, not doing the dishes ect. But then the mess / mild malnutrition makes me feel even worse and I start spiraling.  Thankfully things don’t tend to get too out of hand but last year Husband had to go away for a whole month and by the end of it I had slipped into a depressive episode again.
This week I did pretty well at cooking for myself and trying to keep up with the housework. Towards the end of yesterday the house was beginning to look like a bit of a bomb site and this morning I just did a massive tidy up / clean. Next week I want to try and schedule in my diary time each day to do the dishes.
I find that writing things down in my diary / making a list means that I am much more likely to do something. 
I have also been doing a sort of mental reward system.
So say that I want to play a computer game, then I will tell myself that I can do that if I put the laundry on and pack away the dry laundry. I know that this sounds really childish but it really helps to motivate me to try and be an adult.

I tend to play computer games as a way to escape reality. So if I am sad/lonely/anxious I tend to play an excessive amount of PC games and don’t do anything in real life that needs doing!

Another thing I have done is try to find a balance between pushing myself and being kind to myself. So for example I have recently joined an artist meetup group which meets up during the week in the evening which is perfect for me because it means I don’t feel like I am missing out on Husband time. (he will probably be at home doing work anyway) So this week I had said that I was going to attend but when it came to the day that I had to go I really didn’t want to. I just wanted to stay home in my pajamas and mooch. So I decided I needed to go since I had not seen anyone the whole week and I hadn’t left the house either. How ever because it was making me so anxious I decided that I would only commit to going for an hour. Obviously if I changed my mind once I was there I would stay for the whole time. But I didn’t I just went for an hour and I was really proud of myself.

And that is all I have to say on this topic for now. I’ll try and let you know how next week goes. I can’t wait until we have our own place and we can have pets. I feel like having an animal to keep me company will really help me with the times where my husband is away.

I am sorry that this post has been a lot of text and not much photos. I will leave you with some photos of Salty (who lives with my mom in South Africa.) She recently had to have some dreadlocks cut out so her neck fur is looking a bit moth eaten.

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You can really see here where her hair was cut. It looks funny.
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Kitty was grumpy after having to go to the DOG Parlor!!

I hope that you have had a good week,

Love Diella
XXX